Erin Treacy on Burnout, Bottlenecks, and People-First Leadership

Erin Treacy spent years working 80- and 90-hour weeks, telling herself she would slow down next week. Her body ended the argument for her. Standing on the cook line of one of her 1950s-style diners, her right leg went numb. The diagnosis was a slipped disc and compressed discs in her lower back, and she could no longer stand on a concrete floor for twenty minutes, let alone a twelve-hour shift.

In this episode of Unpacked with Ron Harvey, Erin Treacy, a leadership and business coach in West Virginia, unpacks what burnout actually cost her, why closing the business was the smartest decision available, and how she rebuilt a people-first leadership model that includes the leader.

What Ron and Erin cover:

• Why servant leadership falls apart when the leader is left out of "people first"
• The signs her husband and kids named for years before her body forced the issue
• How leaders make themselves the bottleneck while believing they have empowered the team
• The Post-it note challenge that exposes how often you say "I'll just do it myself"
• Why two minutes of teaching today saves roughly ten hours of work next week
• What it takes to close a business when you are wired to compete and hate to lose
• The adult version of a timeout, and why walks, art, and a phone left at home are not indulgences
• The eye of the hurricane problem: staying calm for everyone else while the storm runs inside you
• Why a lesson often has to land hundreds of times before it sticks
• Ron's Daytona pit stop analogy and the military policy that made leave mandatory
• The line that changed how Erin leads: your opinion of me is none of my business

This one is for the leader who has become the answer to every question and the entrepreneur who keeps moving the goalpost. Burnout does not announce itself. It sends warnings, and most high performers are moving too fast to read them.

Connect with Erin Treacy: ErinTreacyCoaching.com, and Coach Erin Treacy on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok. She answers every message personally.

Connect with Ron Harvey: LinkedIn, or the Global Core Strategies and Consulting website.

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Disclaimer:

The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are those of the speakers and guests and do not necessarily reflect the official policy or position of any organization or entity. The information provided in this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered as professional advice. Listeners should consult with their own professional advisors before implementing any suggestions or recommendations made in this podcast. The speakers and guests are not responsible for any actions taken by listeners based on the information presented in this podcast. The podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional advice or services. The speakers and guests make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability or availability with respect to the information, products, services, or related graphics contained in this podc...

Transcript

Welcome And Show Promise

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Unpack Podcast with your host, Leadership Consultant. I'm Ron Harvey of Global Core Strategies and Consulting. Ron believes that leadership is the fundamental driver towards making a difference. So now, to find out more of what it means to unpack leadership, here's your host, Ron Harvey.

SPEAKER_02 0:20

Well, good morning, everyone. This is Ron Harvey. I'm the Vice President and the Chief Operating Officer for Global Core Strategies. And we are a people leadership development firm. We spend all our time really helping our leaders be more effective and connected to their workforce. That's what we do every day. Whether that's building trust or effective communication or listening better or showing that you care or empowering or delegating, whatever that may look like for you, and the world constantly changes. That's what we spend all of our time. So but today, the podcast, Unpack with Ron Harvey, is really about our guests sharing behind the scenes stuff that they probably won't say, you know, on the stage or in real time. So always get them to talk a little bit more about like real things, um, not academic, but real life. Um, and that's what the whole show is about. Like, let's share, let's talk, let's have an organic conversation. I don't know what the questions will be, um, and neither do our guests. They kind of come up as we talk. So hang on for the ride, fasten your seat belts, enjoy your journey. If you're in your car, if you're sitting in your office or you're on your lunch break, enjoy the conversation.

Aaron’s Path To People-First Leadership

SPEAKER_02 1:20

Um, so thank you, Aaron, for saying yes. Let me hand you the microphone so you you can introduce yourself.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

My name's Aaron Tracy. I'm a leadership and business coach uh in West Virginia, and I kind of got here from years of leading in businesses and then owning my own businesses. I was involved in family businesses for a long time. So I grew up watching leadership in business. Um, that was part of the dinner table, the car ride, the soccer practice, the whatever you can insert coming up as a kid in a multi-generational family business. And then ultimately I became the parent in a generational family business as well. So I see it from both sides and work through it. And then through all of that, hit my own burnout, trying to be all things to all people and not taking care of myself. Uh, and that was really the lesson in burnout is you know, servant leadership's a great thing that we talk about, but it doesn't leave room for the individual. And so I talk a lot about people first leadership, much like you do, because people first, we are all the people in our business. And it's not just about taking care of all of them. I I need to be included in that. And so does each leader in their business. They are part of the people, so they also need to be taken care of.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

Yes, yes. That's probably why the team, you know, they looked at it and saw what you do and what I do and said, okay, this would be a great guest. So thank you for submitting and coming on the show. Um, and I say that for all of our listeners, sometimes you'll find people out there that do something similar or almost exactly like you do it or what you do, collaborate with them. Like you'll learn a lot from each other. So don't be intimidated because someone makes what you make or delivers what you deliver or trains on what you train on, or talk about what you talk about. Find a collaborating moment to work with them. You'll be amazed how much you learn. So don't be threatened by who does what you do. Um, so let's dive in a little bit, Aaron. You you've been around entrepreneurship, you've been around leadership, but there was a time where like you literally did work forever all the time, and you you kind of inserted this thing of take care of yourself. When did we get to you don't just put 80 hours in a week and then you know, you expect to be healthy? When did we come on like let's balance this or let's make sure we do a better integration plan, if you will?

Why Work-Life Balance Became Real

SPEAKER_02 3:40

When did that happen for us?

SPEAKER_00 3:41

I think a certain amount we talk about some of the generational differences, but I think certainly as millennials have come more into the workspace, you know, we we cringe at work-life balance, but what we should also learn from that is they are actually teaching us because they are as a Gen Xer, you know, what my boomer parents taught me, but what I have taught, my kids aren't quite millennials, they aren't quite that old yet, but they're at the very high end of the Gen Z generation. And what they learned from us working 80, 90 hours a week and never being present for them and always being on the phone and constantly being, you know, pushed to endless hours of the day, what all of that came out was they knew they didn't want to do that. And we aren't inspiring them to be leaders. We're actually inspiring them to not want to take on those roles, to not want to do those things. And so it's certainly one of those, as we start to see more and more of them coming into it's certainly leadership in the workforce. We are learning that, you know what, I can't be efficient if I'm exhausted and worn out in any space at home, at work, in life. Like, what's the point of it all if I can't enjoy any one moment?

SPEAKER_02 5:05

Yeah, Aaron, I mean, and it's good that you you've had the experience and exposure with different generations. What was the light bulb moment for you? When did when did you realize like I can't continue

Burnout Hits The Body Hard

SPEAKER_02 5:15

to do at this at this pace?

SPEAKER_00 5:17

I had we owned a series of restaurants. We owned a few of them, 50 style diners. Um, and I was actually all in my cook line. And I had had the I have headaches, I have pain, I'm I don't feel great. Um, I was snippy and short with people, but it really was a singular moment. I I was on the cook line with a couple of cooks that were new, and it went to turn and I could not feel my right leg. It had gone numb. Um, I couldn't put any pressure on it, any weight on it. We later learned that it was a slip disc and it was pinching the nerves, which was the pain, and then uh continued medical investigation of that. I had compressed discs in my lower back to the point where the bone was degenerating and there's almost no discs left in there to absorb any of that. And you really are stuck in a moment of I can't be in the restaurant. It I was not allowed to be on concrete floors for 15 or 20 minutes, much less a 12-hour day. That wasn't an option. And in our restaurants, we didn't have an office. We wanted managers and owners to be out front with guests, with employees. So we don't have an office. I'm not hiding in the back, like you find a lot of leaders. It's out front. It's you're an operator, not a manager. You are part of everyday function, not dictating from a room in the back with no understanding. And and in that, I had to stop and pause and kind of look back at what I had done to be able to see the lesson because I was so busy going down the interstate, driving the car of my life at 95 miles an hour. I couldn't see any of the signs, right? And if you think about we've all been in that car that's going really, really fast, and the signs are going so fast and the scenery is going so fast, we aren't picking up any of the beauty of any of those things. We may miss the sign for the exit ramp. And so that's what I was literally doing with my life is I was missing the signs to get off and take a pause. Uh, and that was really the problem. And I didn't, I always made excuses why I I don't have time to pause. If I just get to next week, or if I just train this one person, or if I do this one thing, somehow it'll move, but the goalpost always moved. I I never you never got there. And so that pause, and it was a long pause. I was not allowed because of my body to do to run my business. And you can't run a restaurant from home sitting on the couch. It's not possible.

SPEAKER_02 7:56

Yeah. Thank you for thank you for sharing. Were there people around you that that were trying to give you hints that you didn't listen to? And and how did how did you get past? Because I I think oftentimes people are around, but were there people in your scenario around you that you just didn't listen to? Um, what were the signs and and how did you get past that?

SPEAKER_00 8:17

So, like my husband had gotten it, had gotten so extreme, he would plan, like, oh, so you're gonna take Tuesday off. Yeah, I think I'm uh Tuesday, Tuesday. So he would make plans and like book a hotel three hours away, but we spent money on the hotel, can't cancel. Yes, right? Like, and so he was taking care of me that way. Would he would plan trips and we would go places that purposely didn't have cell phone service? Like, you know, so he was taking care of me because they can't get me on the phone. I can't check my email from some of these spaces because you know, we'd have Wi-Fi maybe back in the room or at the cabin, but wherever we were through the day and we stayed busy all day. So it was really those things to make me stop. And then when we were home, he he and my kids, like my kids were obviously a little bit older, were you know, you can't keep doing this. What are you doing at midnight, sitting in your room on the computer? I'm like, oh, I'm working on schedules, I'm doing accounting, I'm taking care of these 10 emails that need done. And so they were kind of telling me, you need to put the phone down and pay attention in this moment to something else. Excuse me. Or, you know, he was you, you can't keep doing all of this. Um, and so they were there, and like, and that's where those goalposts get moved. I know, I know, I'm it's gonna be fine. I'm definitely taking Wednesday off, and you know, I'd participate in the thing. But then, you know, as soon as we got to self-service again, there I am, right back at it, or checking on the things and and doing the stuff. And I thought I had empowered my team, but in a lot of ways, I had made them, I'd made myself the bottleneck. In a lot of questions, they were empowered to do things, but a lot of other questions, I was kind of forcing that come back to me, I'll do it, kind of as well. And so it's learning where those two things collide and where you need to separate them.

SPEAKER_02 10:14

Oh, I love it. I love it because that's happening a lot for a lot of people is that you know, as a business owner, entrepreneur, or as a parent, I mean, it doesn't even have to be in the restaurant, it's just in a leadership role. What lesson do you share with people that are listening that are in that place of making them the bottleneck? Like, I'm gonna give you enough, but uh, but I'm always give you enough to have to come back to me as well. Yeah, what lessons do you share with people that are in your in that role, a position that you were at

Spotting The Bottleneck In Yourself

SPEAKER_02 10:40

before, that they are the bottleneck?

SPEAKER_00 10:42

I I think when we start to learn that bottleneck um and to try to find it, I I I love a good sticky note challenge. Pull out a post-it note, I can make it a challenge, let's have a game. So, one of the first ones is grab a post-it note. Every time today you say, I'll just take care of it myself. Give me 10 minutes and I'll look at it. Anything that sounds like that sentence, mark down on your on your tally sheet. Make a little tally sheet for yourself with that post-it note. If you're seeing that number pop up a lot through the day, and so I'll do it today, and I might have six or seven, I'll do it tomorrow, and I might have 12 or 15, but count how many times in that day. You may only be at work for six or seven hours and think about if I've got 10 of them on my post-it note, how many did I miss that I didn't notice that I said. If you work closely with somebody, ask them to post-it note challenge it. Every time, you know, if you have an assistant or somebody who works in the same office as you, every time they hear you say that, they make a tally mark for you. And so you really start to see, oh, I am the bottleneck. Because if I'm constantly saying that, I'm moving myself to burnout because I'm taking on things I don't probably need to be doing. But you're also taking away those responsibilities from them and putting them on yourself. So you're making your life more miserable, and you're also kind of making their life miserable because they now know you don't trust them. And you do, but you made the bottleneck. So then after we start to kind of notice, okay, look, I did that 12 times today. Well, I'm gonna go with that's probably 11 times too many. Yes, there might have been things on that list, maybe that you absolutely had to do, but 11 of the 12, I'm gonna say probably not. Right? Like they weren't things that need to be on your list of to-dos. So now when we see that, how do we shift out of it? Is the next question. And so, you know, the next thing is my calendar is so busy, I don't have time to teach them. That's the number one thing. What's important now, or how do we win today, is taking the time on what's important, teaching our people, whether that's our kids because they're growing up and they need this lesson, the people that we work with, the people on the committee we volunteer for. But what's important now is it's always important to teach. That's our biggest priority as a leader. Whether you have a title or whether you don't have a title, if you're the leader or any kind of leader, your number one priority is to teach. I love it. So if I win today, I'm gonna take two minutes to teach. And I promise you, taking that two minutes instead of I'll do it myself whenever, by going, okay, you know, I'm gonna stop right now, or I'm gonna come out and I'm gonna sit with you while you do it. You show me what you're doing and where the problem hits. And oftentimes they will 99% of the time figure it out themselves. They just needed you sitting there to help. Or you do notice a problem, but you almost notice a problem too that may be a more serious problem. It may be the thing that is holding everything up that is a huge issue in the business, that you need to actually spend that 12th thing that needs your attention. It really is way bigger, but you saw it way sooner so it didn't blow up on you. Or you see that one small little tweak, and now that person's able to fix it. So you see it now. Oh, yeah, I reasoned through it. Thank you so much. I'm never gonna have to sit with that person or probably anybody else that works with that person because they're gonna troubleshoot the next person who sees that problem. So those two minutes of training today will save me 10 hours of work next week.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yeah, I love that you put it put it that way. How much do those two minutes build trust?

SPEAKER_00 15:02

They build trust a hundred thousand percent. Again, you're building your team because now they see they're important because you took your time as the leader to sit with them, but you listened to them so they got heard. Again, they may have flagged a way bigger problem way sooner for all of you. But if you also have that, well, tell me what you would do. How do you think we should solve this problem? Why don't you try that? And then if it's still an issue, come back and let me know.

SPEAKER_02 15:33

What do you tell the leader? I mean, I love what you I love what you're saying, Aaron. What do you tell the Lisa you and you said it, but what do you tell the Lisa, Ron? I ain't got time. I gotta get this done. The food gotta get out, it's impacting the budget, it's impacting the quality of service, it's impact, impact, impact, impact. What do you tell the Lisa I ain't got time?

SPEAKER_00 15:51

That's that's the problem. That is where you are missing what you're doing, right? Like if you're having a conversation with you as a leader or me as a leader, and and they're telling me that I'm going, that's exactly why you have to do it. Because that's the thing you're sitting here for me for. You want me to find some invisible magic leadership bullet, right? Like some magical thing, like all of those books that tell us the magical things, the magical productivity list, those calendars, you know, the millions of dollars of calendars that we all buy the start of the year to get our resolution and fix it this year, right? They want magic bullets and they aren't really there. But if you go back to that people concept by focusing on the people in the business, which includes you, or the people in your family that includes you, this two minutes, I promise you, there have actually been studies, two minutes of training and development will save a leader 10 hours of work. So if I spend time with you, the person in the business that's working with me, or your kid, two minutes of helping with homework. I mean, my kids will tell you they know the answer is I passed third grade, I don't need to do it again. I'll help you, but I won't do it. Yes, they're they're now much older, they're now in college.

SPEAKER_03 17:19

They don't get some assignments and your kids go to school, they can't explain it. They don't teach like, what'd you do? I don't know, my mom did it.

SPEAKER_00 17:29

I have no idea. My kids are now in college, and so they'll send, you know, can you read the proofread this paper? But they know I I went to college, I have a degree. I don't, I have no use in doing your homework for you. So I feel like they're better prepared. But that's all part of that. You if you want them prepared for when the thing blows up, your kids, your employees, whoever, you have to teach them how to do it.

unknown 17:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:55

Is there, I mean, when you think about it, Aaron, is it because of, or it could be a combination of it, don't have to be either, or it can be and then both. Is it because I want to get results and I want to be successful, or is that part of that that's ego-driven too?

SPEAKER_00 18:10

I think it's part of both. It's that ego-driven, but I think it's also the falsehood that we put on leadership. I'm the leader, I'm supposed to be doing the high-level whatever, and they're supposed to know how to do it. I can't tell you how many times I have somebody that I'm talking to, a leader, a person just at work, you know, that maybe maybe it's a small team, it's not even a whole business. And they're like, oh my gosh, my people, they should just know how to do this by now. You know what that tells me? You didn't teach them how to do it. How do you expect them to know if you didn't spend any amount of your time working on it? People would laugh at me in our restaurants. I would spend your entire first day at work in a restaurant in a 50s diner. You spent the whole first day with me. You know how I know what's important and how I know they learned what's important? The entire first day is with me. That's how they know. I made sure they know.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

So, what happens if you weren't there on their first day and you had gotten sick? What would you do?

SPEAKER_00 19:16

It is scheduled to my first day.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

So what is people to have it that way that says, you know what? I'm a I'm a sit with you, and and the the person that it has to go through, I'm the gatekeeper. I'm the I'm the log that's that's that's clogging up the river. So no other logs are getting through. What do you tell the leader that has that mindset?

SPEAKER_00 19:37

If you want to clear the log jam, you have to be the first person to give the information. Right? Like there's no other way. You can't just send people out to the log jam and go figure it out. Well, they don't know what how they they don't know what organization, they don't know if you want it ABC order or one, two, three order, they don't know if you want it on the banks, if in the river, on the truck, in the boat. They have no idea. So if they don't have clear language that says these are the expectations, this is what I expect. And they also learn how to have that conversation with you, right? They're like, oh, I can go to Erin and ask her a question. She's not the mysterious person in the back room with the door closed, avoiding all of the business, the customers and the guests. If I want a better business, my people are gonna give the best business and the service that I expect. So if they don't have what my expectation, how do they know what they're supposed to be giving?

SPEAKER_02 20:47

So, what was the benefit to you? Um, you know, you had to take a break, you you came through and you and and your body told you it wouldn't let you do it, and you had to, you could not run your business. What did you do in those times for you to keep your sanity?

When Stepping Away Means Closing

SPEAKER_00 21:00

So for me, once I hit that burnout wall that quite that heavy physically, and then realizing later after the physical, the mental, um, that was where those hard conversations and uncomfortable conversations had to do it. And ultimately for us, the decision was it was best to close the business. It that was the smartest idea. It was, and it was a little sad because I'm a highly competitive person, and that's not what a competitive person ever wants to do, but it was in the best interests of everybody involved, right? Like that was the smartest choice for us to make for all of us, employees, for the business, for us personally, for us as a family. That's what had to happen. And it's not super fun, um, but it was required, but it also allowed a whole other slew of opportunities that came after that. Which is the part that I'm grateful for. You have to be open to those. You're never gonna be 100% perfect. So there's so many lessons I can take from it and apply it to the next thing that I'm doing.

SPEAKER_02 22:14

Yeah, I love the vulnerability. I love you being transparent. Um, because that's what the show is really about. We unpack, like, hey, there comes a time where this thing that you thought was gonna last forever shows up that you gotta put you gotta pull the plug on it. That you it's you're gonna have to go in a different direction. What were some of the things that you did mentally when you when you came to terms with that you're gonna have to close the shop? What did you have to do personally? Because you're competitive. And and entrepreneurs, let's be real. I haven't met an entrepreneur that's successful that's not competitive. Let's just be honest. Like, we want to win everything all the time, every game, don't make any mistakes, want to make the most like we're the best, like we're very competitive. So we know that comes with the nature of an entrepreneur. How did you tone that down so you can be healthy?

SPEAKER_00 22:57

That was the hardest part, but it was also the at some point, I guess being an athlete, you always know, like, you know, it's hardest to get up after a fall or after an injury to do it. You know, you're gonna have a certain amount of soreness, you know you're gonna be uncomfortable. And and so it was, I have to be uncomfortable to get to the next level of whatever that is. And so from those years of being an athlete, is you were a little bit more okay, not that you were okay with the uncomfortable, but you also knew it it was required. And it was really uncomfortable. But it was I was in physical therapy and chirotherapy every single day because of my physical, all the things that my brain had really kind of happened to my body because it had given me warning signs and I did not listen. But then it was also the mental health aspect and taking care of my mental health for myself and having again that support system that said, we get you can't work right now for a myriad of reasons. My husband literally said, I have figured out how we will pay bills for at least a year so that you don't have to rush. It's whenever you're ready, whenever it's time. So the he had figured that out. So that part wouldn't stress me. He did not talk about bills in front of me for a while because he knew it would cause more panic and that maybe I would rush into something I didn't really want to do because I felt that same that that need. I've got to take care of my people. And and he recognized that in me to say, no, no, we're gonna not not do that, and and take those really long pauses and and be okay with them. And some days were really, really frustrating.

SPEAKER_03 24:49

Yes, yes, you're saying it real easy. Well, there are some days you you already pull your hair out, like you gotta get out of here, I gotta do this. I gotta I gotta do something.

SPEAKER_00 24:58

What do you mean I haven't left the house in two days because I haven't done anything? Oh my gosh, are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_02 25:03

And you know, that's no, no, no, yeah, because I think sometimes as leaders we make it look easier than it is, and and we don't tell people the struggles, and it's not that we're complaining about it, but there are some real struggles that you gotta get through in a leadership role that you gotta be okay with embracing so you can get through it. Outside of your husband, what else did you do to allow you to make it through those times where it wasn't what you preferred to do, but it was what you needed to do? Are there any tips or tricks that you'll share with people that that are in that place where they got a supporting spouse or a significant other or a family member, but they're still having those stories of music that they're playing in their head that nobody knows? They're they're beating themselves up. Whoa, it's me, I'm gonna get back out there, I'm gonna find a way, I'm gonna sneak and do this. What do you tell that person? Like, what tips or tricks

Time Outs That Restore Leaders

SPEAKER_02 25:50

do you share with them to heal and recover?

SPEAKER_00 25:52

I I think that's it's a great lesson from parenthood. We we put our children in time out as children as a punishment, but we put them in time out because it lets them calm down. It right, like as if you've been a parent or you've been the kid, in time out, you find that you you calm down, you kind of reason back and you look back at the thing and go, Oh, yeah, that's right. I did, you know, yell at my mom or I did do the thing I wasn't supposed to, and I'm I overreacted. So as adults, we need to take time out as a positive. Put yourself in time out when you start to have those thoughts of, oh my gosh, what you know, and and that that panic stricken that I've got to get back on the treadmill, I gotta get back in that car and start back down the road. Find something. I I'm a we're a big outdoor family. We're we're love it. So it's sometimes it was just take a walk through the neighborhood. We live very close to a park, so we have a lot of access to be able to do that, but get away from the things. It was put the phone down, leave it. We would leave it at the house. Not that a lot of people were calling me. The business was closed, there weren't employees to call and say a whole lot, but you know, you put the phone down and you take those few minutes to redirect yourself, put yourself in time out. What is it that you do? Different people have different things that they love. I use art therapy a lot. I just I craft, I art, I paint. It was one I learned uh through a very good friend's sickness. It was the thing that helped me drown out the world a little bit too. So find those few minutes and redirect yourself.

SPEAKER_02 27:37

Yes, to drown out the world. I I love it. We were um, you know, always, you know, the show people uh they know we're unpacked. We were um our daughter wasn't feeling well yesterday, so we ended up in the emergency room. And of course, if you've been in the emergency room, I don't care what you got going on in your life, it all comes to a halt. Unless there's a trauma, the only thing moving fast is people, but time is not moving fast, and people try to help you. So this lady was really upset. Man, my daughter sitting there in the and this lady was really upset, and she was yelling and getting mad.

SPEAKER_03 28:07

I've been all damn and and they say, Ma'am, you came for us to help you.

SPEAKER_02 28:14

Let us help you. I didn't even say, ma'am, you can leave, but you'll be back. Let us help you. This is what and she was so frustrated, she said, You came here and asked for help. We didn't make you come. And the nurse was she was really good.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

And when I say really good, because I'm like, Oh ladies, sit down and be quiet, stop. She was really good. She has experienced those ladies before. They were really good. I like wow, that's really good.

SPEAKER_02 28:43

And the lady ended up settling down and telling her thank you, and you know, she apologized. I mean, she was just frustrated. But I think it comes to those moments. Can you can you survive the emergency room moment where you may I've never been in an emergency room and been out in three hours? That's never ever ever happened in my life. But how many times as leaders will we lose our mind without any devices for three hours? And you just gotta wait till it happens. You don't control anything, you're out of control, but you can sit there patiently, respectfully, and responsibly for three hours and let whoever is the expert help you. Did you encounter that in your journey?

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Um, so I guess the in my journey, it was it was the family that was built around me. Again, my kids were older, so we had uh open, pretty open conversations their whole life. So they were, yeah, you know, we noticed that you were this, you know, and they could even point out different stories that had kind of popped up for them. But it was definitely so I worked in television for a lot of years and restaurants, so we referred to it as the eye of the hurricane. So I was the eye, I was always the calm center, everything's gonna be fine. All of you people that are freaking out, I was the nurse in the ER. And so it was very different to then be kind of realized that while I was that to everybody else, internally, I was the hurricane itself. I was the whirling winds and and the storm. And so it was having to figure out how to tone down myself a little bit. And then really, it really was the disengage from all of those things that told me the falsehood of what I was supposed to be doing. No, you really have to step away from social media for a minute, you really have to get off the computer for a little while. There aren't magic emails that are going to fix it. There's not a magic thing. You have taken so much time not recharging your brain needs to rest, your body needs to rest. And so it was that same. You I had to tell myself that and tell myself it was okay because they had been telling me for years, you need to slow down, you need to stop, beauty, and I didn't listen. So it was, I had to really see that all of those things that were telling me this falsehood of I gotta keep going 90 miles an hour in my car down the interstate of life. I had to stop it myself. I was in my own way, and I think that's part of the problem, too, is we do have to see it for ourselves. I had a great example quickly from my daughter. She was going to college working for her masters, and we knew what her masters entailed. She was going into counseling, it would be this many years of school, it would be this many years of work. So in five years, she would have a counseling degree. We knew this. A hundred different people had told her. She had recited it to me 150 times. She got to the college that she had always dreamed of going. She got to the very first day of class in the very first class and calls me 20 minutes in. And I was like, Why don't are you supposed to be in class? She goes, Mom, I can't do this for five years. I can't. And um uh and all of the time she heard it, she heard it, but it didn't hit. Yes, it was the 257,000th time, and that one person that said it, that it finally had actually sunk in. And I think that was the best example in this kind of story of where I came through this was it took the 227,000th time to fully hear what stop, pause, rest, regroup, however, those messages were coming to me in those phrases. It took that that time.

SPEAKER_04 32:43

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 32:44

Right. And so it and I had to see it. And you may not be ready to see it. You may think, oh, I'm gonna go see a coach, or I'm gonna go, you know, find the answer here, there, and yonder. And you may read all of the books and you know the information, you just can't quite get over the hurdle of of fully absorbing the information.

SPEAKER_02 33:04

I think it's spot on too, Aaron. Um, you know, from my from my observation and experience too, when you're competitive and leaders and and entrepreneurs, they're very competitive. There's a sense of happiness to always be able to show up and help

Redefining Identity Beyond Being Needed

SPEAKER_02 33:20

and to deliver and to be counted on. There's a sense of of pride to to know that people count on you. And and and how do you how do you manage or minimize that so you can because it when people are not counting on you, it does something to you too when you're the go-to person all the time. So there's two sides that when you're no longer that person and and you got to count on people, sometimes it can be a struggle. What was that like for you going from hey, everybody counting on me? So now you gotta literally lean on other people. How was that for you?

SPEAKER_00 33:48

That was really hard. It was one of those, like I would point out to my husband, I'm like, I I've gotten three text messages all day, you know, and you're used to getting three text messages every 30 seconds. Yes, you know, there constant phone calls, constant emails. I'd look and like, I haven't gotten emails in two days. And and those things are where that panic of that again, that what I'm supposed to be doing. And so those are those panic, those discomfort moments, those, oh my gosh, am I still a leader? Am I who I think I am? Can I be who I think I am without all of these people asking me what to do? But the ultimate, like, kind of success story out of it is the things I was able to create in my own self, the ideas of what do I want to do or how do I want to live, or what do I want to be, those things really started to pop up in a completely different way because I hadn't had time to think for so long. I hadn't had two minutes. I now I have two days of thought that I can put into something. And so that was something that really changed the dynamic completely, but it was super uncomfortable. But you go back to that that kind of athlete mentality of I I fell and hurt myself. It's going to hurt being uncomfortable, but that's just the muscle rebuilding. It's not the end of the road.

SPEAKER_02 35:25

Yes, yes, I love it. So as we as we begin to come to a close for our for our audience, what do you think the greatest lesson that you learned that you needed to learn through your experience?

SPEAKER_00 35:38

That I don't have to be what anybody else expects of me. I was telling this, we had a kid who graduated from college recently, and he was asking questions about, you know, how do I grow up and how do I do these things? And he very much has a I he very much cares what other people think, which is a good thing to an extent. And he said, there's a great quote. It's your opinion of me is none of my business.

unknown 36:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

And so it really has opened me up to be able to have that. Your opinion of me is none of my business. It's not, do I fit the leadership mold? I don't know, and I don't care because I don't know that the mold is helping anybody. So maybe that's a good thing that I don't fit in the mold. Maybe it's a good thing I show up differently, maybe it's a good thing. And, you know, as long as that's kind of out there and other people are going, you know what, that really helped me get through this moment, or being having an honest conversation like this helped me to see what I needed or to see it in myself. You know, though those are the things that matter more than did I put on the right suit and the right hat, and do I have the door on an office to shut people out? You know, that's those are all okay.

SPEAKER_02 36:54

Yeah, I love it. I love it. I mean, it's it's and and thank you for sharing because I think there are a ton of leaders that are listening that find themselves putting in the hours, want to be everything to everybody all the time. Um, and and just it's not realistic, it's not possible. Um, and and at some point something's gonna break. It's almost like the analogy I use for people on their errand, it's like a race car driver, you know, they're they're running the day the Daytona 500. I'm I'm from Florida, so I always refer to Daytona, and that car has in the center of the track uh a pit stop that you're required to use, like you can never win the race. And you got a pit crew chief, too, that tells you, Aaron, bring your butt in, and you're you're the lead car, you don't want to give up that first spot. But but your but the pit crew says you cannot go one more lap until we come in here and change the tires, check the oil, check you, give you some like you're going to give you some gas. Yeah, it's hard to pull into that pit stop because you're you're you got it, you you're in the lead. Yes, that's life, and sometimes you gotta have people in your circle that makes you come to the pit stop.

SPEAKER_00 37:58

I like that. I love that analogy. I may steal that from you.

SPEAKER_02 38:01

Please do, please.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

I'm gonna steal it from you. I'm gonna take I love good sports analogies, are the best analogies.

SPEAKER_02 38:09

I try to use empathy, but but I tell you when I was in uniform, that was one of the things that we did as service members is we always it was mandatory for us in uniform when I got into a leadership role. If my people lost vacation time, it reflected on my appraisal. It it literally and it wasn't positive. Cannot take care of team, people lost 15 hours of blah blah because the military gives you 30 days of vacation annually. You cannot let anybody lose any day. It was required, they must take it, and so you had to know that in advance because you're you we're always operating at such a high tempo that you just can't do that loop 365 without taking time off. It it you become unhealthy, and I think for leaders, we try to do that loop 365 without taking breaks, and it hurts us long term. So, a couple what information do you want to leave with our audience

Where To Find Aaron Plus Final Advice

SPEAKER_02 39:00

that you want to share that you didn't share? And how do they get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Um, I always like to remind people you are human, you you are not gonna get it right the first time, and this isn't whatever it is you're working on, whatever it is you're trying to do, it's not a New Year's resolution that you're gonna lose 30 pounds in 40 days. That's not realistic. Start with things that you can manage. Um, and those are how you're actually gonna get where you want to go. It's probably not gonna go as fast as you want, but you're a human and it's it's not gonna be perfect smooth sailing, despite what all of the fun little books like to tell you. If you just do these things, then magically, you know, we do not have magic fairies in our life, although we probably wish we would more days than not. I wish I had a magic cleaning fairy. Um first fairy I would want the cleaning fairy. Um, and then if anybody wants to reach out, I'm on socials Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, LinkedIn, Coach Aaron Tracy on all of those. And my website is erintracycoaching.com. Um, I answer all of those messages because I always want to let people know that the person that you're talking to is is me. I don't have team members do that because I want people to really know that they are talking to an actual human, not a bot or not a team person, not the secretary. Uh those those will get directly to me to communicate with you.

SPEAKER_02 40:25

Awesome, awesome. And and um, she spells her last name uh T-R-E-A-C-Y.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Yes, it's the Irish Tracy.

SPEAKER_02 40:32

Yes, yes. So when you're looking at it, just for those that are listening the Aaron part is easy. The last name I want to make sure you get right. Um, thank you so much for being transparent and vulnerable and coming on the show and sharing your your experience because people get burnt out and you spend a lot of time talking about that. I think we're a society that that everybody expects for us to always be on go. It's not it's not true. Um, so what regardless of what social media tells you or what you see, it's not uh actually true. Um, so don't expect to always be on go. Don't put that pressure on yourself. Take your vacations, spend time with your family and your loved ones. Sometimes just put your devices down and enjoy your environment. And I know that's hard because there's so much that you feel like you're missing, like when you're not on some social media platform. Well, I'm missing out, they're gonna miss me, and I gotta share. And I like I gotta post every day. No, you don't. No, you don't, you don't. So that's that narrative is not true. You don't have to post every day. Um, you know, but but I get it, I get it. It's addictive. Um, be be careful of the addictions. Um, thank y'all for joining us. Um, she told you where you can find her at. You know where to find me always on um on our company webpage or LinkedIn on my two. I'm not on every platform. Aaron's doing a much better job there than me. I'm on LinkedIn and on my webpage. So if you want to find me, go to our company's website um or come to my LinkedIn page. Um, it's where you'll be able to find all contacts. But thank y'all for hanging with us. Share the link, tell someone else about it. If you know someone that would be a great guest, you know what we're talking about. We don't do any questions in advance. So if they're nervous about questions, it's probably not the right podcast. Um, I don't know what I'm gonna ask our guests. Um, I love that they all come and they know that and they have fun with us. Thank y'all for joining. Until next time, Aaron and I will sign off and tell you guys to have a wonderful day and enjoy your week.

SPEAKER_01 42:21

Well, we hope you enjoyed this edition of Unpack Podcast with Leadership Consultant Ron Harvey. Remember to join us every Monday as Ron Unpacks Sound Advice, providing real answers for real leadership challenges. Until next time, remember to add value and make a difference where you are for the people that you serve because people always matter.